Negative Sex
August 13, 2005 | Category: Photography, Sexblogs
Few adults throw themselves headlong into the wet stuff the very first time they see the ocean. Children will. Lacking any sense of their own mortality, they’ll happily run screaming towards the surf. Adults are different. They’ll approach the enterprise with caution, gingerly immersing their toes, feet, ankles, shins and knees before committing themselves further.
So it can be when we’re confronted with our desire to indulge in sex which dares stray outside the boundaries that the Daily Mail-reading masses feel most comfortable referring to as ‘the norm’. The majority of deviants don’t dive headlong into the most aberrant variance of sexual congress they can uncover. They move with prudence, test the water, even as they’re testing themselves.
I make this bold assertion based partly on the belief that, for all our rock climbing / base jumping / ski slope cycling / naked parachuting claims to the contrary, we are an inherently cautious species when confronted with the unknown. True, there are people out there willing to hurl themselves from the top of the Eiffel Tower with little more than an oversized bed sheet strapped to their backs. I doubt, however, that many of those jumpers are making their first leaps though. They almost certainly started small, learned their skills (if you can get past the excruciating pun) from the ground up, gradually charting their abilities. In short, they tested the water first.
A long time before our first adventure with another couple, back in those halcyon days when we were talking in hushed tones about the possibility of bringing flesh-and-blood companions into our sex life, we started out by testing the water. Knowing what I know now, it was really little more than getting our toe-tips wet, but it seemed like a bigger deal at the time.
By the time I first pointed a loaded camera at an MW dressed in nought but some of her less pedestrian items of underwear, we’d already done the baby oil / sex manuals / vibrators / porno film archetypes. In spite of those pleasurable experiments, we still felt our sex life needed something extra, a lift, an additional buzz. All right, since this journal is meant to be an honest account, the truth is I probably felt the need a little more than MW. But I’ve already confessed to sometimes being a self-serving prick when it comes to matters of sex. All I can say in my own self-defence is that I’ve never pouted or whined or tried to force something to happen. I’ve made suggestions, just as MW has. Then together we’ve explored the pros and cons. Anything that happens only happens when we’re both happy.
But back to the photography. We may have been discussing the prospect of MW exploring her bisexuality, but talk was all we were ready for. When it comes to fucking with others, we are definitely more tortoise than hare. And (quite correctly as it turned out) we’d intuited that finding the right woman, the right couple, could be a lengthy process. We needed something to slake our thirst there and then.
It was probably my suggestion to bring the camera into the bedroom. I’m not certain because, as hard as I try to remember, I can’t recall my thought processes from the time. It was more than five years ago. I’d wager good money that an erection - or at least the prospect of an erection - was involved somewhere along the way. All I remember for certain is that it was a Saturday evening in December when my wife became a semi-nude model for the first time.
Digital photography was a comparatively new and expensive phenomenon then, and the only option available to us was to shoot the traditional way, on 35mm film. I can recall my sense of anticipation as I loaded fresh batteries into my SLR’s flash gun, and went about trying to set up appropriate mood lighting in the bedroom. I’d encouraged MW in her decision to spend some time luxuriating in the bath, a glass of chilled Absolut at her side. When she emerged from the bathroom, I was banished from the bedroom while she selected the first of her outfits.
For me, the most arousing aspect was watching MW as she opened up to the camera. She was nervous to begin with, especially given that we knew that the only way we’d get to see the fruits of our labours would be to send the film to a developer. But as the Absolut seeped through her system, and the click of the shutter became more familiar, she gradually revealed a side of her I’d never seen before; a brazen beauty that found its way to my heart and my cock in equal measure. I’ve always believed that - unlike men - the vast majority of women can hold a tune pretty well, and that they only need a little encouragement to believe that themselves. In the same way, I think most women have a sexuality that only needs some warm nurturing in order to flower. My wife certainly bloomed that night.
MW wasn’t the only apprehensive person in the room, though. True, I didn’t have to disrobe (I’d decided to stay dressed to concentrate on the photography. It was a wise decision. In subsequent sessions - when MW has requested I wear only a pair of shorts, or even shot nude - we don’t get that many photographs taken. And there’s the danger of tripod impacts to consider.) But until then, I’d been little more than a ‘point-and-click’ photographer. I suspected that I had a reasonable eye for a photograph, but I’d never worked with a model, much less one brave enough to reveal her most intimate self to my lens. As far as I was concerned, it wasn’t about getting a transitory rise from snapping off a few shots of MW in her bra and knicks. Yes, I wanted it to be an erotic experience for us both, but I also wanted to achieve something tangible, to capture an element of MW’s sensuality and sexuality. Most importantly of all, I wanted her to be able to look back at the photographs and say: ‘You know, I looked pretty damned good.’
In the end, it worked out fine. Better than fine. MW looked sensual and sexy, and the swelling in the front of my trousers went some way towards conveying that opinion. I remember that the colour black - along with the inexorable stockings and suspenders (you can’t say you weren’t warned) - figured strongly in the outfits she chose to model. We used up two rolls of film, and though the irrevocable thud of the developer’s envelope hitting the bottom of the post-box was a nervy moment, we were both excited by the resulting prints that arrived back a week later.
I’ve been hesitant to show the results here though, either from that first sitting, or from any the sessions that followed. There are several reasons for my reticence. One is identity: since some of the shots have been used in contact ads or subsequent correspondences, there’s a risk this journal will lose its anonymity. Secondly, there are already lots of people out there posting erotic imagery of themselves, and/or of their significant others. Does the ‘Net need any more? And thirdly, does it need ours? Cursed with a perfectionist’s mentality, I’m only too aware that our efforts might not come up to scratch. For example: consider the work of Ell, of Wilful Damage fame. She’s posted a series of stunningly erotic images of herself, which work partly because she’s physically gorgeous, and partly because she has an innovative and exciting style. In fact, she might well be a master of the erotic self-portrait. The question begged is: why look over here for eye candy, when your time would be so much better served over there?
In the end, I’ve decided to post one shot. For one thing, it should illustrate and wrap up this post quite nicely. And after all, this journal is meant to be about sex, and I suspect few things speak so succinctly about sex like a photograph of a woman in lingerie.
And who knows? Maybe I’ll feature some of our later efforts in future posts.
Click on the photograph to view the full-sized version at ‘Flickr’.
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I’m actually an avid photographer but I’ve never photographed a lover. I’m meaning to amend that. It would be more the nude form and with subtle lighting and such, though. Not “pulp.” This shot was nice.
Tasteful erotica turns me on far more than explicitness does. I think the body looks like art and needs to be treated aesthetically. What can I say? Old-fashioned.
Nothing old-fashioned in that approach, IMHO. It’s simply a question of personal taste and aesthetics. I happen to be a subscriber to the “less is more” school of art and photography. I like the use of lingerie, but I still appreciate and enjoy nudes, provided there is an preserved element of subtlety. Shots that are probably better used for illustrating the pages of “Gynaecological Monthly” do nothing for me…
EA
I have to agree. In fact, I usually find myself getting turned off. Nothing ever makes me apprehensive up close, so my strong reaction honestly baffles me.
But yeah, absolutely less is more. I have “Less is more” on my bedroom wall by my desk, in regards to writing. It applies to erotica, too.
Perhaps there’s a market for licence plates with the moto written beneath the number. That way, folks could park their Minis beside gas-guzzling Jaguars and the like, and spread the ecological word.
EA
Weird, my children were quite the opposite regarding the ocean. When I first took them, they ran screaming FROM it, cried the entire time they were in it (clutched to my legs and waist) and were especially happy to be out of it. It was really depressing.
Their reaction was certainly 180 degrees out from mine. My parents were breaking down the door of the nearest swimming instructor, convinced by my reaction to the sea that I’d certainly drown if they didn’t get me lessons ASAP.
EA
Well, there is that theory about the sea and sexuality…one who is willing to dive right in is willing to experience what can be found in the sea/sexuality; and one who frightened of the sea also confronts sexuality with fear and apprehension.
Good thing your parents got you into some swimming lessons, Mr. EA. Even as a strong swimmer I haven’t escaped being worn out by some underestimated waves in my lifetime.
I love your photographs (I assume the one in the banner is yours, too?) and I wish there were a similar erotic aesthetic of the male body (homoerotic is lovely, but I wonder how a feminine eye would eroticize the male body. It seems a lot more rare).
The sea/sexuality theory appears to hold (water? arghh!!), at least as far as this particular blogger is concerned. As for the swimming lessons … I’ve coped pretty well with the off-shore waves thus far. But (like you?) some of the on-shore waves have taken some handling.
Thank you for the complements on the photographs. Yes, the one in the banner is one of mine, taken during the same session as the one in this post. My own biasis for the female form not withstanding, I know of a few female photographers whose work goes some way towards eroticizing the male form: Elizabeth Provoust, Michelle Serchuk, Veretta. But I take your point that they’re in the minority.
EA
FYI… I tried accessing your blog a couple times last night and reached a WordPress “That page doesn’t exist” type message.
Thanks for the heads-up Steff. I’ve noticed similar problems myself. I guess that’s what I get for hosting at the budget end of the market. Oh well…
EA
Dear EA, your photos are lovely (as is your wife!) Thank you for your kindness on my efforts. I do have fun taking them. I think I have a somewhat similar feeling about wanting to look back and be able to say “Yes, they are nice pictures…) Life is short, what if this is the best we’ll be? Now seems the time to celebrate and rejoice in the pleasure-giving body. Thank you again.
Cheers,
Ell
Ell,
Thanks for the “thanks”, but you oughtn’t give me too much credit. After all, what else could I say about your photos? IMO, it would be churlish and myopic to say anything different about them. You’re right though: not knowing what’s lying in wait around the next corner should be all the incentive any of us needs to live and experience ‘now’ to the fullest.
And thanks for the lovely comments about MW and our own photographic efforts. The confidence to show more may be just around the next corner!
EA
Many erotic images do not show very much, but leaves things to the imagination, just as this one does, beautiful…
I’m delighted you approve, FS…
~EA